Hello all, here I am again.
Today has been a below average day, there was minimal study as I could not get my brain to focus, but on the plus side I found some great feminist blogs to follow.
I will probably fail my exam tomorrow, and it will not be surprising, but that is honestly the least of my worries at this point in time.
I want to punch my brother in the face.
I have eaten more food that I knew I should have so now I feel disgusting and useless and gross, but mostly weak because I just cannot seem to do this how I hoped.
Sometimes, I just hate myself, y'know?
Oh great one of these posts again, I thought I had moved past this, although I guess not. I'm presuming these posts will appear now and then and I am sorry to anyone who has to read them because they're probably boring and lame.
I want to get really drunk and pass out.
This dream isn't feeling sweet we're reeling though the midnight streets and i've never felt more alone, it feels so scary getting old.
I pray that this weekend is nice and i look not so disgusting and I get to spend time with some people I haven't seen for awhile. I also hope that I find a way home on Sunday afternoon because it is Gary and Daks birthday and I would feel so beyond awful if I missed it.
Guilt is such a funny emotion because there's no one else you can blame for having it? Like if you're angry you can say someone pissed you off, if you're happy you can say someone made you smile, but if you're guilty thats no ones fault but your own. So you're stuck in this little fucked up bubble of sadness and guilt but there's only yourself to blame and you cannot run, you cannot hide, it is just you and your thoughts and your mistakes and you slowly realise just how complete and utter shit of a person you are in every possible way.
And it's all your fault. No one made you that way. You destroyed yourself.
Until next time xx
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