A Day!

Hello everyone!

I am currently incredibly bored and lonely and so yes here I am!

Everything lately has honestly been a little out of the ordinary for me.

When someone gets to know me or when I get to know someone, I will come out of my shell quickly and will happily talk and laugh and be weird but my problem is that I can't start a conversation. If I don't know someone I will not go up to them first, I'm too insecure and nervous and scared of rejection.

So this is why I'm here, six weeks into uni, and I've made no new friends.

Sure, I have acquaintances (kind of) but not one single friend. And now it's kind of too late to try. the whole "making friends" stage of uni has passed.

And it is so frigging weird for me.

I've always been an incredibly social person, my parents dubbed me "the social butterfly" because every weekend I wanted to go out somewhere or I wanted someone to stay and it was never ending.

But now I walk around uni alone, sit alone, eat alone and do everything alone. If I didn't have Alice at home I think I would have died by now :(

It's just not what I'm used to. I don't like it. And it extra sucks because (unfortunately) I don't have very many friends (if any) left in the Te Puke area so for the past week (minus one day) I have been alone and bored and stuck in this crappy weather and I just want to go out and spend the day with some people and actually properly interact. I want to have some drinks with some of my friends but now I'm kind of without many at all.

And I wish Alice was here because one day with her was not enough and I wish she would come back.

I want to be able to physically catch up with people and hug them and ask how they are and find out everything I've been missing and tell them everything they've been missing too. I'm just really not enjoying it but I guess its a good thing if this has been the worst part of my year.

Just not the one.

Alrite this was my whiney post so I'm going to read a book and feel pleh some more.

Bye xo

Day: I havent posted in over two months!!!

Hello all!!

So I ended up being pretty useless with this but I thought I would just write an update since I don't really feel like sleeping and it's probably going to end up being a bad idea but Oh well!

I've started university now, and it's currently O Week so I am getting free stuff (which is always good) and there are lots of parties and things going on (None of which I have actually attended yet) but there are still three more nights so hopefully I make it to one of those!
But like seriously, how do people make friends? Uni started three days ago and I already see heaps of people making new friends and meeting new people and going out and I'm just sitting here like, errr.... teach me your ways please.

Currently I am living in a pretty cool house with Slice and some other new friends and they're all quite friendly and they bought us pizza so really we are now bffl! But two of them have giant crushes on each other and really it's quite cute so I hope they get together.

Today I signed up for the gym so it's finally time for me to get my shit together (hopefully) and lose some weight and eat some better food etc etc.

My classes are pretty boring but I'm hoping that philosophy will end up being really interesting cause it really looks like it will be!

 That was basically all for now, I will be back next time (although I am making no promises as to when that will happen!!)I will finish with a cool pic Alice and I took on the first day :-)

Bye!!

xxxxx

Day 19 (Again)

Day 19:

Hello again, I am here to rant.

There's a plus size fashion store I absolutely adore. It's called City Chic and it is the best plus sized store you will ever see. They cater for young, modern women, unlike most plus size stores that just have a lot of black and baggy things, and honestly, suit much older women. It's really hard for me, as a plus sized teen, to find clothing that fits me decently and actually looks like nice. My biggest issue with clothing is that it either accomodates to width or length, like if I was short it would be fine, but the fabric is stretched out width ways, so there's little left for length so my skirts/dresses end up being far too short.

Anyway, the first time I got go into their store in Hamilton Mall and properly try on clothes, it was the best experience of my life. Like, there was never an issue of anything not fitting, of anything being too short, and everything was flattering to my body shape and it was just amazing, and I ended up buying a lovely dress, that I've worn to multiple occasions! In fact, here's a picture:

Second from left btw

Anyway, you're probably all wondering, "She said rant, and I don't see any rant, this is all glowing praise!"

Just wait, I'm getting there.

So basically, I have absolutely no issue with the clothing (Although tbh it's a bit pricey!!) or the store I went to (the workers were so lovely) my real issue is with the site.

 "But what's wrong with it?" You ask. Layout? Breakdowns? No. My real issue is the models.

Maybe it's just because I am plus sized, when I see a size 14 woman, I do not think she is "plus sized". I honestly do not understand why 14 is considered a plus size and is even in plus sized clothing stores. Is this descrimination? Not really, but I guess it is also a compliment?

So, there are four different models used on the City Chic website, and all four of them are Size 14 women. You would think that in a plus size store, they would use an average size? Because when women are shopping are plus sized stores, my first bet is that they're not going be size 14. There are so many places that stock size 14 clothing that it would be much easier (and cheaper) to go into your everyday glassons, or kmart, or wherever they would like, because there is always clothing in their size there. 

When a plus size woman goes onto that website and just sees size 14 women rocking all these clothes so nicely, will she not just think "well they're tiny anyway so how do I really know if it would look nice?" 

But honestly, maybe it is just me. Because that's exactly what I think. Even in a plus size store, the smallest size possible is the one advertised everywhere and you get no diversity at all. Not a 16, not an 18, not a 20. The not-so-plus-sized woman showing off clothes for a plus sized store. Just for me, it makes me really angry. I'm not trying to shame the models themselves by the way, they have the loveliest bodies and they're all like crazy beautiful, obviously it isn't their fault that they're a nice shape and I'm not trying to attack them.

Maybe I am actually over thinking this and over generalising plus sized women and maybe I will upset someone who stumbles across this but hopefully someone agrees with me so I don't seem so crazy.

Anyway yeah, that is all. I hope someone reads this and finds this interesting.

Goodbye!! xo

Day 19

Day 19:

Every day and every night is getting more and more like the one before.

And it's getting incredibly difficult to deal with.

My make up is smudging everywhere. Whose idea was this?

There's so many things I want to write but I do not trust myself at a time like this but I just feel the need to move my hands as I cannot sit still so I may just type a song

one last glance from a taxi cab images scar my mind four weeks felt like years since your full attention was all mine the night was young and so were we talked about life god death and your family didn't want any promises just my undivided honesty and you say oh oh things are gonna change now for the better and oh oh things are gonna change oh they're gonna change i am the patron saint of lost causes a fraction of who i once believed change only a matter of time opinions i wont try and rewrite if life had background music singing your song ive got to be honest i tried to escape you but the orchestra plays on and they sing oh oh things are gonna change now for the better and oh oh things are gonna change oh theyre gonna change hands like secrets are the hardest things to keep from you lines and phrases like knives your words can cut me through dismantle me down repair you dismantle me you dismantle me hands like secrets are the hardest things to keep from you lines and phrases like knives your words can cut me through dismantle me down repair you dismantle me you dismantle me give me a time to prove prove i want the rest of yours prelude call this a prelude to a lifetime of you its not that i hang on every word i hang myself on what you repeat its not that i keep hanging on im never letting go hands like secrets are the hardest things to keep from you lines and phrases like knives your words can cut me through dismantle me down repair you dismantle me you dismantle me hands like secrets are the hardest things to keep from you lines and phrases like knives your words can cut me through dismantle me down repair you dismantle me you dismantle me save me from myself save me from myself help me save me from myself save me from myself oh oh things are gonna change now for the better and oh oh things are gonna change hands like secrets are the hardest things to keep from you lines and phrases like knives your words can cut me through dismantle me down repair you dismantle me you dismantle me hands like secrets are the hardest things to keep from you lines and phrases like knives your words can cut me through dismantle me down repair you dismantle me you dismantle me hands like secrets are the hardest things to keep from you lines and phrases like knives your words can cut me through dismantle me down repair you dismantle me you dismantle me hands like secrets are the hardest things to keep from you lines and phrases like knives your words can cut me through dismantle me down repair you dismantle me you dismantle me

at least i have stopped crying now

okay this is all for now i am less fidgety.

goodbye xo

ps. sorry

Day 18

Day 18:

Hello there!!!

I am back, yet again, for an update, mostly because i am bored and lonely and I have nothing better to do!

Wednesday was a really nice day as we went over to Papamoa to Chris' friends bach to spend some time with el Mexican Karol as it was her birthday and it ended up being heaps of fun (although the weather wasn't too flash) and then that night we had a surprise dinner for her at Veseys, which was so incredibly delicious. Then we caused havoc in New World (Sorry Meg) and went to Jebbs and we watched bridesmaids and ate lollies and it was just really nice :)

Yesterday was mine and Alices one year anniversary omg!!!! It was so cute and she gave me the best present no lie and omfg she is so adorable and she makes me so happy and just yes I love her more than anything else in the world she is so incredibly fabulous and perfect and eeeeppp.

This weekend will probably be a very boring weekend unfortunately :( As I am stuck in Pukehina by myself (except for le parents) and it will be uninteresting but I hope the weather is nice because then I can go to the beach (and try scam someone into coming to visit me) so then I will not be all alone and then I have things to do :)

Tonight I'm going to play some Habbo (don't judge me) and watch some Shortland Street and MKR later and just be lazy so all goods :)

Okay this is all for today, I'm not very interesting at all but yoloswag, I shall be back sometime in the near or maybe not so near future

xoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

Day 17

Day 17:

HELLO!!!! Graduation night was SO super duper amazing like omfg I cannot even explain!! 

At Graduation I got an award for Most Friendly which was seriously so surprising cause clearly I am not the most friendly  hahahaha but okay Year 13s ya weirdos :) the food at graduation was so delicious and the ceremony was cute and at the end we all let go of helium balloons then we took some photos like awesome peoples :)

Once Slice and I left, we went to the liquor store and I bought some scrumpy (new fave) and went to Larketas. At first it was a little awkward as there weren't too many people there and I wasn't really properly friends with anyone there, just friendly. But then everyone started showing up and everyone got into the party mood and everyone was drinking and singing and hanging out and having a good time and yeah soon everyone started talking about going out to town and everyone got pumped and was excited :D 

Finally at 12:40 (after 3 double black smirnoff cans and half a bottle of scrumpy), I was off to town with hte perf girlfriend and fellow drunk people! They disappeared once we pulled up but Slice and I went into The Bahama Hut, bumped into Annie and her friends then found our other Year 13s up on the balcony thingy so danced our way up there and just started enjoying ourselves! 

After two more smirnoff cans, I was feeling properly drunk, for the first time since forever and it was fab! The whole time we were there until the club closed was So much fun and the best night out yet! We all left and said goodbye to everyone and got in the car, tired but still drunk and happy.

Then afterwards we went to McDonalds (essential for every night out) and had some delicious although awfully unhealthy food, but no one eats a salad after going out. Anyway, we dropped off the gurls and by the time we got home it was past four, so we crashed on the couch and once everyone woke up we went and slept on mums bed. 

Later that day we went over to Rotorua to grab some stuff from dads and I was feeling quite crap and reaaallly tired tbh but I survived all day without a nap and still stayed up late cause I am dumb XD

Today was pretty relaxing, we woke up at 7:30 to take Kweeg to school for camp and once we got home everyone just went back to sleep till past midday cause swag XD I did some cleaning and I read heaps of SCP articles and I still want to read some more so I will do so after this. 

So yeah the past few days have been fab and I will finish this entry with a couple of photos from town and next time I write there will hopefully be some photos of graduation itself :) 

Until then!! Xxxx

Day 16

Day 16:

HELLO EVERYONE DO YOU REMEMBER MEEE?! I am incredibly sorry about my lack of posts and interaction because I am useless but in good news tomorrow I am graduating High School and moving on to the big wide world!!! 

Okay, maybe not straight away but in a few months! I am excited but more nervous than anything else and it's going to be a very big step and just eep.

Last last weekend was my cousins wedding and it was beyond adorable omg and it was so lovely seeing all my family and spending time with them ad was just an overall perf weekend, and le family loves Slice so all is well :)

I had my last exam last week and since then I have been doing nothing productive at all because I am useless :L

I am looking forward to tomorrow night so much but I hope Graduation isn't too boring and/or too long and I am excited for after drinks and maybe town afterwards and it will just be a fab night that I will probably never forget (hopefully for good reasons!) and yeah! Super exciting, growing up :-) 

Hopefully I will update more since I don't have anything better to do and I stop being lazy, but probably not, no promises.

Maybe I will be back on Friday, we will see!

Bye xox